Cross-Written.Com

I have been very happy these days. Not because I am always happy, but I try to walk with God. I want to tell you something. God doesn’t deal with myth. He doesn’t deal with superstitious. Why i tell you this? This is the reason.If you follow my twitter, you might know that I have been very spiritual this week. Nope! I am not saying that I become a spiritual person. I am saying about giving thanks. I try to give thanks to everything that happens in my life. I give thanks for my job. I give thanks for a new day. I give thanks for the food. They are very simple things to thanks for. What I got? I got joy. You might believe, and you might not believe. But I got JOY.Yesterday, I was really happy. From the morning till the dawn, I always happy. I also do not know why. My mom once told me that I should not laugh too much, because it will ended up crying at night. I do not know about this but I believe it. So, I always afraid to be happy too much in the afternoon to prevent myself crying alone at night. Well, I am alone now, with no family here in new island so no one will accompany me physically when I cry.

Yesterday, I laughed. I spent my whole day laughing. Excuse me, I was not crazy, I was just being thankful for every little things, remember? So I laughed with my colleague, I laughed with my manager, I laughed with my brother and sister in God, I had so much great time with them all. Then I took time to think. “What if I cry tonight because I am overwhelmed with this joy?”, “People become very sensitive of sorrow when they spend too much time laughing”, etc. Then I feel like God speak to me, “Try me”.

Try what?! What do You mean? Since I was not sure whether that is God or not, I went with the flow. I practiced singing for Sunday’s sermon. We were still in joy. There were so much fun in praising and worshiping. I couldn’t control myself to stop laughing because we really were happy. I laughed!! The whole day! And I did not cry!!!! May I repeat, I did not cry! That was the first time I spend my day sharing joy and laugh without crying in the night. I praise the Lord for that moment.

Today, I have an ordinary day with not too much laugh and praise. I feel hurt by someone in the meeting and I didn’t tell God about it. I pretend that I am strong while my heart is broken. I try to show them that I am good and strong and wise. I try to show myself, not God. I fall in a sin called arrogant. That is my fault. just one fault and I can not praise. I can not be thankful to God. I complain and get mad. I failed.

Soon after I realize my fault, I pray to God. I said, “Lord, please release me from this evil. I do not want to be burdened by this matter. This is simple things and You are greater than this. I don’t want this feeling take my joy away. I am sorry for complaining. I am sorry for not being thankful to you”. Then He gives me peace.

I am not writing this by fiction. This is simply what I experience 30 minutes ago. I learn that God does not stop here to nurture me. He wants to bring me furthermore. He wants me to grow up. From this experience, He wants to show me that I am fragile. Without Him, I can not be anything. Without Him, I am nothing. I am weak. This experience makes me long for Him. I want to know Him better. I want to trust Him more. I want Him to work more in my life, and my environment. This is my prayer and I hope this will be yours too.

Praise Him!